Self-sacrificing behavior: Make it a thing of the past for 2018!

For 2018, I want you to become aware of when you’re sacrificing yourself.

Have you ever gone out to a social event even when you really didn’t want to, just to please the people who asked you to go? (Sometimes this can work out to be something beautiful, but not if it’s a constant occurence)

Have you ever stayed in a relationship even though you were unhappy, but it wasn’t “bad enough” yet or they were not a bad person, so you talked yourself into staying?

Have you ever been so drained from helping people all day long or hearing about peoples issues/problems, and you KNOW you need a break to disconnect from your phone/social media…but someone contacts you and you feel as though you can’t refuse the one person who “needs you” later on that night. (This is common in those in service industry careers, medical careers, counseling)

Have you ever worked in a job where you were miserable every hour you were there, but stayed because the money was good?

Have you ever chose a college degree path to please your family, even though you really wanted to do something else?

When those Dead Sea Cosmetic people rope you in at the mall and you stay through their whollllllle spiel – all the while knowing you’re not going to buy anything….but you feel bad so you stay there or maybe you buy something!

Do you keep helping the friend who keeps going back to their self destructive patterns – only to hit you up for a shoulder to lean on when the shit hits the fan? You may find it hard to not help them because you’re so giving…but this is also self-sacrifice.

Your time is limited here on Earth; at the most, you have 100 years to live. Energy is the most valuable currency there is. That is why the phrase is “Pay attention.” Where you invest your time and energy has the power to either drain your energetic bank account or give you a big return in your energetic bank account.

Sometimes we practice self-sacrificing behaviors unknowingly…and we must ask ourselves,

why?

  1. There could be subconscious beliefs that you carry, making you believe you need to sacrifice yourself in some way in order for people to like you. Our subconscious beliefs are formed from the third trimester through age 7.
  2. You believe you’re not deserving or worthy, not enough in some way.
  3. Do you carry guilt and shame about something in your past? If so you could sacrifice your happiness because you believe you don’t deserve to be happy?
  4. Maybe you don’t feel like you have done enough unless you feel completely drained, and only until then you feel you’ve earned something.
  5. Maybe you believe its your responsibility in some way to take on the wrongs of the world, or the issues of your circle of friends/family…it’s not your job to fix everyone at the expense of your own happiness.
  6. Do you think you’d rather hurt, than hurt someone else? This is a very altruistic notion to have…but in every day scenarios it’s not sustainable. You cannot be okay with making someone else happy at the expense of yourself. This can be the reason you stay in situations in which your heart knows you need to leave, fear of hurting someone else.

You HAVE to do what is in your best interest for your own happiness! You will never be happy if you bleed yourself dry for the sake of others or avoid painful situations that need to be dealt with just because you don’t want to hurt someone else.

YOU DESERVE TO DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO BE HAPPY!

What goes along with this, is you also cannot take it personally if someone else does what they need to do to be happy.

Of course, I’m not saying be a selfish person and intentionally do bad things to people. What I am saying is make yourself happy first. Love yourself first. Respect yourself first. Live your purpose first. Don’t make others happy before you. Don’t love someone more than you love yourself. Don’t respect others more than you respect yourself. Don’t live someone else’s purpose or what they want you to do. Don’t allow others to shit all over you and not do anything about it for fear of upsetting them.

 

  1. Positive Affirmations are an extremely effective method of reprogramming your subconscious mind. This method is used by monks even.
  2. Writing the problems or undesirable beliefs you want to change on a piece of paper and burning it is also effective.
    • Example: Your child makes a birthday card for you, and of course it looks like scribbles and you know nobody would buy it…its all messy and has crayon all over it. But you don’t throw it out. Why? Because it is filled with LOVE. The child transferred their loving emotions onto that piece of paper and you KNOW and FEEL it there on that card. The same goes for transferring your emotion onto paper and burning it…transferring that energy into another form that goes back into the universe. (you may have to do this one a few times)
  3. Meditation – This allows us to dive deep into ourselves and seek the answers within instead of outside in the world. The longer you can do it the better!

 

When you release old patterns of self–sacrificing behavior (and the beliefs behind the behavior) you will be able to show the same love, respect and happiness to others in a balanced way. You are one decision away from a totally different life. On the other side of your greatest fear is the greatest happiness you have yet to feel. 🙂

Love for self translates to love for others ~

 

Wishing you an incredible New Year!

 

 

Author: Melissa Mullin